Unfortunately, I still have a need, as my immediate problems won't wait. My biggest challenge, and real-soon-to-be immediate need, is still bad word...finances $$$...keeping the rent paid, electric on, and definately my internet! I am now going week three without a paycheck. It's too late for my car, I already lost it...I loved that car...it was a 2003 used Toyota Corrolla, but I loved it! Anyway, it's gone. Okay I hanging in & working on some things & I know they will take some time, but again, I don't have time to handle some of my immediate needs. So reality is I am of course now without any transportation, I am Bipolar II with a Social Phobia & General Anxiety disorder AND it is in swing. (It's debilitating, embarrassing, pathetic, disgusting & shameful. And as some of you already know, it was in FULL swing over a week ago, and many of you know what happened. Well now I am also dealing with some of the after effects, as it didn't take. I know I need to get to a Dr., but all this is overwhelming, where to go, how to pay for it, etc., etc., just too much to handle and pressure/stress of that nature, I don't do well with. My after effects have been extreme fatigue, shortness of breath, tremors, occasional unvoluntary muscle movement, dizziness/unsteadiness, constant noise & ringing in my ears, some minor/light hallucinations when I try to sleep. And it's mostly worse for whatever reason towards evening, but especially when I try to sleep. I can't get to sleep for hours on end, then finally I do, but wake up many times ...hearing noises, involuntary muscle movements, bad dreams...then later in the wee hours of the morning around 5 AM I get to sleep & then can't wake up or get up til 1PM, and still not rested.
Then the $$$ matter. Besides you great folks here, no one is even checking on me anymore, and when they do it's not for me...it's them wanting something or to vent silly stuff that doesnt matter to me right now. But nope, I don't hear from any of them now. Not friends, not family, no one. Of course, they know I won't talk or answer the phone or door, but still they know what I deal with financilly & personally. Okay, I did lose my car...I had to come up with $1225, but didn't...I had like $200 & that was mine left. Anyway, so okay I lost my car. So okay, with what I had left and my son's help, as he is the only one that gives me any $$$ (even though personally he drives me nut's & worries me himself), helped to pay July's rent, internet/phone, water & got a few groceries. He gives me $125 to help with my rent and another $20 towards the computer & buys a few odds & ins must have's in groceries, but he doesnt have much money either...shoot between his car payment & car insurance it's takes all but about $150 @ check and he only get's two checks a month, which he's giving me like $180 or so of once a month... which is $90 @ check, so that's leaving my son with $90 every two weeks for gas for him to get to his job & eat, clothing...so forth. And honesly, I HATE having to have him b/c he's been doing it since he was 15 & he's 23 now. I am actually bringing him down in many ways too...that's the truth. I wish he'd get away from me (and some of his so-called friends) and work on his on life....NOT follow in my footsteps, but unfortunately that's what's happening. My BIGGEST problem is keeping a roof over my head & food. I'm going to apply for food stamps, but my rent is $585 @ month, plus I just moved here mid-may & still owe my $585 security even...which was suppose to be paid June 1st, then I still HAVEN'T gotten the electric changed into my name from the landlords...AEP want's $350 deposit!!!! They said I had to pay $150 down & they could add the rest onto my account. I don't have any $$$ . Then me needing to get to a Dr., for both Physically & Mental reasons, which I need meds & know how to apply to get those, but still what about $$$ to pay the Doctor and/or hospital??? Cause a trip in & out isn't going to do it...I know that. I'm sorry for going on & venting, but as you can tell...I am starting to really worry again as it get's down to the nitty gritty. I have debilitating migraines, which Thank God I haven't had any in the last two weeks (although I'm shocked with what I did) because I ran out of my prescription migraine meds too. It's like everything coincides b/c with my illness...I have to have peace/calm/stress free self & environment, but that's IMPOSSIBLE in my situation, which in turn make my illness act up & much worse...then b/c of boths of those things, plus no car...I can't get out to work and since about 2002 my mental illness is more frequent & much more severe, but then I've had tons of stress since then...I haven't been able to hold down a job for one related reason or another since then. People, kids....things they do & say...my own son & his g/f....I can't stand being around near anyone! Hate it! Solitude is the only way I can cope..well with my cat ...it's like he know's...he's the only one who is by me all the time. I can't hardly stand getting out around the working world...because people stress me out!!! I mean it's life, but it stress me out...I can't stand it! I dunno just worried, worried again...but thanks for listening "again". I keep on keeping on, I pray, you pray, but whether my help comes from the good lord up above or here...time isn't going to stand still & wait, so I worry.
And sorry, I have to vent some more. People who try to scam you and/or mock the need of Aid, mocking comments and/or help needed, posting scams, emailing you trying to scam you...coming on here saying they need help, but then dressing half naked & etc or showing things that don't need to be public...totally disgust me! FOR SHAME!!! Do they not have ANY self-respect, decency, dignity, compassion...or all they all the devil in disguise? Obviously devil's in disguise. They need way more help somewhere else...CHURCH! Sorry ya'll, but it just get's to me, so on that note, I think I'll go for now.
